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The year that was 2013

Published: 02 January 2014
Author:
Ms Mashaba

"I want to go back to my dreams, my life has become a living nightmare"- well that's what the inner skinny frightened girl inside me is screaming, I think she is hungry. It's just that 2013 has been one of those years, so many good things have happened to me and then I have had so many lessons 'happen', that's what I prefer to call bad experiences, lessons. The year began on a high note, like every year, new job, new hopes, new dreams, but no one to share it with, no man to open doors for me as I take the taxi to the bank or ask me why my phone has been off for three days or why I haven't shaved, yep, beginning of 2013 was a blast. I had flings here and there, nothing fulfilling, all lame and didn't last long enough but I had fun, I let my hair down, well, I let my extensions, my braids and my afro down, loved the fun filled days spent under the sun of a full bank account, paid bills, well some paid, and people who adored me. I was dancing every day. Truth be told, I didn't see an end to this 'bliss' but somehow I knew I wanted more. I started to complain about everything, the sizes at Mr. Price, why do they put 38 on the tag when it's really a 34? And why do I find clothes from Truthworths at every Chinese corner store? And why did it take me so long to start wearing shorts? My cellulite is only visible when you are super close, what was I afraid of? I'm glad I let those thunder thighs bring on the rain.

I learned to love me in 2013; I learned to listen to me, funny, as much as I talk one would think I listen to what I say, I rarely did, hence the bullshit, but in the midst of all of that I learned to take myself seriously as a woman. I stopped caring so much about what other people were saying and starting doing things that mattered to me, I fell head over heels in love with myself and it was magical. Don't get me wrong, I've always loved me, well, some parts of me, now I got to love all of me and it was breath taking. Then I started gaining weight, people started saying it, I didn't even notice it happen, I mean my clothes still fit perfectly, maybe its cause I like big sizes and I usually grow into my clothes or maybe its cause I have these three magical elves who live in my closet and all they do is make my clothes bigger every time I gain weight, I'm still trying to figure out if that's a good or bad thing. And just like that I was starting to love myself less, go figure. Being me was proving to be hard, I was heading for depression and it wasn't pretty. All the issues that I hid under my smile, my jokes and my bubbly character were now just sprouting out. Of course like a lady I told no one and I just smiled and it got worse. So I did what any normal person would do, I started a brothel, just kidding, I saw a therapist and it was refreshing to finally say to someone, hey, this is me and I am a mess, and there was no judgment, just help and peace.

So enough of the heavy stuff, let's see, I fell in love in 2013, I fell hard. I was taken by surprise and I am loving being loved and loving someone, not in words but in actions. It finally happened, and I went googoogaga and screw what other people say cause for once I am sure of what I want and what I am doing. Great feeling that, knowing who you are and what you want, it is freedom in action. I have made moves this year that left me in a bad shape, and I have made waves that set me on my greater and higher calling. I no longer care that some people just don't understand my sense of style, screw that, I bought that dress cause I like it and I like how it looks on me, I grew my afro out cause I wanted to and I might relax my hair soon cause I feel like it. I am tired of being labeled by the way I speak or the clothes I wear, I am not a coconut cause I listen and love Avril Lavigne, and I am not less black because I dislike house music or I don't relate to some people who consider themselves black, and I wish people would stop calling me sister or natural beauty only when my afro is on the prowl, my beauty is not tied to my hair… seriously, but I will admit that when my hair is done, and done well I feel like a million bucks. That being said the year 2013 has been a great year, I have cried, I have laughed till I cried, then cried some more. Life has is beautiful, the 'bad' things are also beautiful cause without them we wouldn't be who we are today. So farewell 2013 and hello 2014, you vivacious beautiful freak you.

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